Secluded Sanity
When the crowd goes home and the lights are turned off and slowly emitting their last breaths of heat to the air, where do the extraverts go? Where would you find those sanguine on a night where it is raining like Niagara outside, and there is nothing but candles to light the room? I think it can be an interesting notion, when people are labeled as introverts, or melancholy, and then expected to conform to those boundaries. How often have the excuses been made from the phlegmatic, “oh it’s because of my personality, it’s the way I work.” To an extent. If you expect me to believe that you are excused from appointments whenever you want because you’re not motivated, and that’s because you’re a phlegmatic, your daily mistaken. How long will some people walk around in complete ignorance to their own choices? We need to take responsibility for our actions and not limit ourselves to a theory, or set formula. I want the day to come where those who have to be the center of attention whenever possible, can find some solitude and have it not be offensive to those living in the same environment. Christ took time out all through his life, to go and spend time with his Father. Why then is it viewed as bad or even wrong for people in today’s world to spend some alone time. I love being alone sometimes, and it is some of the most rewarding moment in my imaginative world - to just relax and have absolutely nothing taking place all around you. Stillness is one of the most beautiful things I have ever come across. You’ll have to forgive me if I have no desire to share it with you. So to the extravert, feel free to curl your toes into a couch and get lost in a book, and don’t feel like you’re ‘not being yourself.’ Stare out your window and watch the candles dance. Be still, silent, and make sure you are listening. You never know what you will hear.
The Slithering Voice
Just thought I would say hey to all you who have figured out this 'personal' blog of mine exists. Nice hunting.
I think the one thing in this world that really gets me down is the pessimist. My goodness, would you please smile, because life is better than you make it out to be. I hate being in meetings, or conversation where someone has a chip on their shoulder from something that happened to them that day, month, year, or even decade, and because of it they have decided to make everyone’s life miserable. It's pretty outstanding how some people can accomplish this. Maybe it is because I have such a strong focus on words in my life, but do they not realize the death they are spewing out of their mouths? It is the most frustrating thing in the word to have 'the pessimist' (who can be anyone, including myself depending on the time of day) walk into the room and in their triumphant voice declare all excitement and joy in the room dead. Now I suppose it is up to those with a more comprehensive view of life at that time to allow that death to take hold, but I mean come on. This is my beef. I just want to scream grow up. Now of course I don't, because people have bad days and weeks, and maybe the odd month, but when that pessimism becomes a label on your character there is something really gone wrong. Get help. Pray with people, have them pray for you, but break that curse that is keeping you from all the Lord has for you, and has given you to give others. Please I beg of you, shed that mold. It is living like a rot on your soul, and I fear you are infecting others. Please, life is a gift.
Grimm
Well, how about a little personal touch?
This was a thought that crossed my mind while I was watching my grandma walk ever closer to her inevitable future.
As I sit and stare the inevitable stares back
It happens every day all over the world but this is a close as I have come to it
It seems so powerful, so unchangeable
And also so delicate and gentle too
I feel like a four-year old sitting and having to pretend like everything is all right
While being completely helpless wanting to give all they have to change the situation
Another concept of the four year old becomes clear:
I don’t known how to act around the coming tragedy
I prance around excited its Christmas but deep down it feels like I’m walking on ever thinning ice
I’m 20 years old and this is the first sign of the reaper
Why do I have to experience this now?
I watch as Grammy, unable to move asks who enters the room
She sleeps, always and her hand trembling is the only sign of life she emits.
I just want to scream, because I don’t know what to do.
Alls I can do is leave it on the Lords hands but what then do I pray for?
For healing, but I don’t know if she’s saved? So I pray for salvation while I run out of time
God you have it all in your hands but she just looks so frail
Like she’s in so much pain she can’t bear it
Every day inching closer to the point when she can no longer fight
I want to fight for her, I do, and I pray for her whenever I remember,
But it seems as though this is a fight I cannot win
As she continues to grow smaller in stature, still keeping her wit about her
The plague in her bones wears her down too much.
The end is coming whether I think I can stop it or not.
I hear the drum
Boom
Boom
Boom
With my sword drawn I run out to a battle to face no one
The enemy cannot be defeated by me, nor any of my loved ones
So on my hands and knees I scream “Jesus!” into the very Earth He created.
I ram my sword into the Earth to remind my self I was there and retreat
It’s all in His very capable hands, Lord may your will be done on Earth as it is in heaven
Here We Go Again
So once again it happened. At what could only be the worst part of my life, it hit me. Right between the eyes, and what hurts the most is I didn't see it coming. Who would have thought a weekend of service would have led to this? I just wanted to serve, not be bothered with another uninvited yet highly wanted burden. Such is the paradox of that all consuming process. So unwanted yet so welcome. Where to now? Sleepless nights, breathless moments, and only a vision with an over active imagination to carry me through my next adventure. Worst thing is, this could all be a story book lived out in the fantastic world of the invisible. So when I say gross, my heart says yes. When my mind say no, still the anxiety says yes. The risk is such a large fall but such a huge reward. I need to express this birth inside me, but I'm so scared to give it a premature existence. Take it Lord, and guide it, move me, save me.
Driving This Life....
You know those times in life where you can’t help but smile? This is one of them. We as humans are so capable of astounding things, the stories of our lives can literally change the course of someone’s life, so much so they can keep someone form the brink of death. I just want to scream right now because I’m so full of emotions I cannot express ( I’m not sure why or how to express them but I do know they are there) but somehow I have to get them out. Funny how life moves on people faster than others. Just tonight I witnessed life moving in the fast lane of another, who was able to grasp hold of their life and put it into action, following what the Lord had for their life. Is my life actually moving slower, I would say no, only for the fact that there are so many different roads to travel down. But what happens when your heart is connected with someone in a different lane moving faster then yours? Your heart breaks. It’s really that simple, you can do something about it, though you can try and drive faster, breaking out of your lane and being thrust into a world so different than your own. Then you are caught in a paradox of being able to adapt and survive in this new lane which you so desperately want to be apart of, and leaving what you know you are called to be a part of behind. Both will suffice, each with their own benefits, but what is most dangerous is driving on the median. You need to pick a lane, don’t wonder in the middle because before long those lanes will move apart in drastic ways. You need to let go, or put the pedal down. Don’t worry you still have your car phone, but it is integral that you pick. Don’t be like me.
Clean Slate
This is my mystery blog, hoping that no one will discover it, but at the same time begging to share these thoughts with another person. I hope that this little stress reliever helps me sleep easier at night, but that is yet to be seen, but until then, here's my beef...
My generation is said to have the most potential out of any in the past. From latch-key kids to soccer moms, we have been babied to the most extreme, having the worlds greatest resources poured at our feet. With all this in our favor you would think that we would be changing our world. Well we are, except we are changing it for the worse.
We have all the potential in the world, all we need to do is spread our wings and leap, and we will not fail. Yet what do we choose to do instead? Nothing. We sit in our apathy, and in our selfish state and do nothing for anyone else in our lives. It is me me me all the time, with no sense of sacrifice for anyone else anywhere. Unbelievable. Could we perhaps put one person ahead of ourselves once in a while? Here is the real problem; it’s us Christians who are following the suit. Are we not called to change our society? It seems most days we cannot even live with each other in harmony let alone portray an example for the rest of mankind.
Here’s the background info. There is a student at the college I attend who as confused that Christians at this college were no different in the areas of getting drunk, cussing, having sex and doing drugs then those who are not followers of Christ. Unbelievable.
Not it is not so much the idea that we fail often, because were all humans, we all make mistakes, and there should be no idea in any one head that we as Christians are perfect. But where is the effort to get back up and try again? I’m freaking out because those people who are said to be followers of Christ, seem not to care anymore. We seem to just give up to the world with all its ‘endless’ pleasures, and pervasive themes. Why can we not suck it up and reach out? Will there not be someone there to grasp a hold of that out stretched hand and pull them out? Grow up generation. Get over yourselves, and if you fail, when you fail, get up. Not for yourselves, but for others. Your worth so much on your own, priceless on your on own, I need you to recognize your worth. Know that you can’t do it on your own, but that you have to do it together, with generations before and after you.
It’s a team effort, but your robbing your world of a future if you continue to focus solely on yourself. Get over that image in the mirror. Yes your worth countless immeasurable items, but you need to see the worth of sacrifice, of the greater good. I plead with you, please, get past yourself, because we depend on you.
